Sunday, 15 May 2011


nearly 2months since last blog and I really feel like I've not fulfilled my obligation to this supposed 'warts and all' accompaniment to my ironman journey. Feel I should make up for the last few mnths all at once but truth is I just can't bring myself to put others in the firing line and expose them to what I'm able to do with my life; be honest, open and up front. Well.. I guess I better do some explaining to some extent as I've just been absent..where I start is another matter. Let's get the Ironman specific stuff done n dusted first. In no way possibly can you describe my schedule as typical..nor normal, or even recommended as a plan of action..indeed it has been an absolute mess of a plan as far as 'the norm' goes, but you know what? It has been as much as I can, as hard as I can, and with the passion and determination that defines me. I have had times of absolute fatigue, but have pushed thru that because I have done what I always do; put myself up there to be judged..and I will NOT take the easy way out, ever. I do not know how to quit, be a slob, be the norm. As I always have said.."there ain't no such word as 'can't' " I'll do what I say I'm gonna do, or at least I'll try harder than most to fit in the effort and show the guts we all have but seldom know how to use. Well. I am out here..I have my kit, my fitness and my attitude ; my best quality. Negativity, excuses and blame do not live in my make up, I'll take it all on the chin if I have to, and dammit I'll mostly try and do it with a smile, life is too precious and delicate to be angry and resentful. There are some attributes within me that may need explaining. This is not an easy part of this openness, and it has taken me til now to even consider laying my thoughts on the line on this issue. My mental fortitude has most definitely been sculpted by 2 major physical events in my life. In 1998 I was rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis and kept in for a few days, 2 weeks later I was on a drip, wires and fighting for my life with encephalitis, and I promise to you all now, I was most definitely thinking I was a dead man. I had already made my peace, accepted my fate, and was ready to not wake up. Yes really. But I never gave up totally and made it thru. No words can ever describe what I felt, saw, experienced. Absolutely no words. And I am eternally grateful to have experienced that, yes, has cemented my attitude toward life, affirmation that my view of 'seizing the day' and 'making the most' was the key to a happy life. 2nd issue-and bizarrely a source of amusement to my old football team pals. My back. I spent over a year of aches and pains, b4 I collapsed on the floor and eventually got diagnosed a further year later with slight spina bifida. The word slight makes no allowances for pain, I might add. Every god damn day I have to stretch, mobilise and strengthen just to prevent pain. I hate it. With a passion. It hurts, every day. EVERY DAY. It is no fun, and I resent so much my old mates for taking the piss. Conversely I am so proud that I refuse to acknowledge it as a problem. So fucking what? I don't have big metal rods in my back and I can do whatever I want. So the doc says maybe I'll be in a wheelchair in the future? I'm not now, and that's all that matters. So. Who wants to know the personal deets? The love life if you will? Well..things were never perfectly set in stone with Emma, and I always thought something was missing. I don't know what. I can guess, can make assumptions but at the end of the day maybe it's just that 'something'. And that something was not there. Now to the here and now. I don't know how this really started, but. Claire(Fletcher's mum) and I have been talking, chatting whatever you wanna say..and we are getting on more than we have done b4. Well, it feels like it did way back when and is a very happy situation. Comfortable, fun, familiar, connected. Really did not expect this to be the situation but I'm loving it tbh. And Fletchypoos is seemingly blooming as a consequence. I now have a fan club flying out to support me on Weds and can't wait. Leeky out xx